| Too young to hold on, too old to break free and run |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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[15 Apr 2006|10:57am] |
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i hate that i can't read certain people and i'm sick of trying to interpret signs.
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[11 Feb 2006|02:03pm] |
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Sean Paul |
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I GOT INTO RICE UNIVERSITY!!! It feels so good to get your first college acceptance letter. It is actually quite a surreal experience. But now I can sigh a huge sigh of relief. I got into one of my reaches!!!
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[18 Dec 2005|09:03pm] |
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 dazed and bored |
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forest gump in the background |
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Confessions
as much as i love being on break, i am dying slowly from boredom
i have a date to the dinner dance and his name is steve mcclain
my friendships are changing; i am drifting away from some and getting closer to others. it secretly scares the shit out of me.
my uncle is going to talk to the dean of admissions at harvard and tell me what I need to do to get in in april. and i can't decide whether i should be ashamed or excited about that advantage
i've realized i am only attracted to arrogant guys
i feel like a fucking failure in chemistry and i truly hate rose alken sometimes
sometimes i feel like a spoiled brat and i wish i treated my mother better, even though she can be a bitch to me
my family is buying a red prius with a navigational system so i can actually drive to fiona's house and back without getting lost
for the next three weeks, i'm not going to eat any carbs or sugars. it seems like a pretty drastic measure for someone, but i miss him so much. if he doesn't come, i don't know what i'm going to do. i don't know what will happen if i see him.
my new favorite lyric is from "never let me down" by kayne, jay-z, and j-ivy: I, too, dream in color and in rhyme-- i don't know why, but it just hits me.
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[18 Sep 2005|09:23pm] |
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ecstatic |
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the crickets outside the lounge |
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ahhh life is sweet.
i really enjoy the feeling of being proactive about things.
i think i've caught senioritus already.
i like new challenges and new dreams.
i like updating in short, succinct sentences.
and i love getting emails back from people.
it's so fulfilling.
i will be in a good mood tomorrow.
that's all for now.
love.
liz.
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[03 Sep 2005|09:52pm] |
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:miracle drug::U2: |
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i just finished white teeth. for those of you out there who haven't finished it yet, i loved it. the characters in it were so fucking well developed, complex, flawed, and beautiful. can't wait to discuss it in class because there is so much good material in those 448 pages. its not just crap and fluff like other books that are packed like that.
there was also a wonderful quotation from the bible in it: "there is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear" I John 4:18
i am currently listening to "miracle drug" by U2... a while back, when i was busy being confused about a boy from the past, dan suggested that i listen to it. "i wanna trip inside your head/spend a day there/to hear the things you haven't said/and see what you might see" i have never had words cut so deeply into my mind upon the first time hearing them. isn't this the basic wish of everyone who loves someone?
i've been getting up really early for the past week or so. it's my body's way of telling me that i'm ready to go back to school. i know its weird, but i'm pretty sure that's what it means. and i am really ready to go back to school. i can't wait to live on dorm again, get back into a comfortable routine. i can't wait for that realization to hit me again: i have two wonderful homes, westtown and 213 mill pond drive. and i love that i can be two completely different people in those two completely different homes. i can't wait to laugh and talk with adults who aren't my parents. i love that i can joke around and have fun with paul lehman and kevin eppler (for example), two people that i've never had as teachers. because that's the beauty of westtown: the connection is built-in. i can't wait to have those study sessions on main hall with a friend or two, when you are too hyper to get anything substantial done. but you end up having a kick ass time anyway. who cares if you don't do as well on that pre-calc or holocaust quiz the next day. all that matters is that doug poskitt is secretly yehuda bauer and that nadja thought nantucket nectars was a band. oh westtown. there are memories just waiting to be made at that place, i just know it.
on another note, i got a haircut today. not major. three inches are gone and she added more layers. but i've decided that as soon as volleyball ends, i'm chopping it off and doing something crazy. and no one can convince me otherwise.
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[25 Aug 2005|02:47pm] |
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I can tell you what it should be: THE DUBLINERS! |
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Grisselle Escotto on life at Brown
lizbet338 (10:38:37 PM): yeah, so you're gonna stay away from kevin?
GrizzlyEbear (10:39:00 PM): heck yes i am allergic to bull shit and cheesiness
Brent Burkhart on the advantages of working in a college library
Can you imagine me as a library assistant? Damn straight you can. I would be sleuthing the shelves, looking for peoplereading porn or having sex... And every five rows I would tiptoe by, then shout at the top of my lungs "ALL CLEAR!" Then I would rearrange all the card catalogues in the order of my favorites to least favorites... And then I would build a fort for myself out of accounting and reference tomes. Yeah...
hehe... i was in the mood for a laugh
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[21 Aug 2005|09:40pm] |
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 sick of everything |
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the fucking crickets outside my window |
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It's funny how one disappointment can set off a whole series of bad feelings. an hour ago I was all set to go to greece. now, i'm depressed about life in general. i was going to go to greece for fuck's sake. i had it all planned out. i mean i mentioned it to my mother at least three times. each time she fucking blew me off with her dumb ass sarcasm. i was so pissed. i found the exact program i wanted. i was going to stay in a hotel with one of my friends and teach english to young greek children. maybe even explore greek nightlife. meet a dark haired stranger. it was going to to be fucking great. and then all of a sudden, nothing. now i have to stay with relatives out in the middle of fucking nowhere. i might as well just go on the europe trip with doug. at least he's fun to travel with. and i would get to go back to paris. and london for the first time. whatever. we'll see what my relatives can come up with.
but now i'm depressed. i don't want to go on a senior project. i don't want to apply to colleges. i don't want to take pointless standardized tests. i don't want to live with 60 other girls. i don't want to go back to a school where i feel like there's no one left to hang out with minus a select group of people. ugh.
speaking of my friends... do i even have any? where is everyone? i feel so isolated. i don't know. rejected? i guess. i mean at the end of last year, i felt like a regular social butterfly. i had tons of friends. seniors. juniors. sophomores. even a few tolerable freshman. and i had a boy. that i really liked. where did he go? where did they all go? i haven't talked to any of my seniors friends except andrew kraus and a few others. fuck it. i'm lonely.
i'm wallowing so much in my own self-pity that my fingers are pruny. i need to get over myself. i need someone to pull me out of this slump. i think jon stewart will do for now.
my cousin vinny
Vinny Gambini: What about these pants I got on? You think they're okay?
Mona Lisa Vito: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing around. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water - BAM. A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head. Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I aks you, do you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?
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[20 Aug 2005|11:22am] |
For those of you out there looking for senior project ideas, go to this website. It is absolutely amazing and the organizations that they hook you up with respond REALLY fast if you send them an email. I highly recommend you check it out.
http://www.volunteerabroad.com/
leave me a comment if you find something you like
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[14 Aug 2005|09:08pm] |
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being pulled every which way |
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the dubliners |
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it felt like a good time to update. as i am typing, i am also trying to listen intently to the dubliners on my ipod. i decided to cheat and but the audiobook from itunes. whatever. i take it to the gym everyday with me, but i always cop out and switch to keane or the killers or something.
i just got back from new england a few days ago. college interviews, you know. i did connecticut college, harvard and wesleyan. the interviewer at conn coll was sickeningly attractive. dark hair, bright blue eyes. mmmmmm. the interview at harvard went so fucking well. i honestly couldn't believe my luck. she was a young alum and we had so much in common. she was even addicted to fashion police like me. she was just really down to earth and made me feel like i could get in no problem. yeah right. but she was still encouraging. the interview at wesleyan was ok. the girl was kind of boring, her voice was flat and uninteresting. but anyway, 4 down, 4 to go. (i also had an interview at american: really uneventful)
i got to go to a red sox game which was amazing. nine runs in the bottom of the eigth. i love my boys.
but i think the best part of the trip was coming home and finding two wonderful emails in my inbox. one was from anastasia saying that i was in spencer's english class(!). that was such a relief... i think if i had got crichton or woody i would have cried. and the other email was from.... wait for it...BRENT! it was such a pleasant surprise. and do you know where he's working???? in a party decoration warehouse!!!!! that made me laugh so hard. brent and party decorations is like an oxymoron. anyway, he says the old ladies who also work there stare at his butt. oh brent. i think i'll miss him next year...
i feel like there is more happening in my life and i just can't think of it right now. i think all my friends are leaving for field hockey camp tomorrow. they actually may have already left. i think this may be a good week to get my summer reading done and start on my college essay and book review for margaret. i just hope senior year is as much fun as junior year. but in a lot of ways, how could it be?
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[08 Aug 2005|08:52pm] |
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:Porcelain::Moby: |
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i was feeling really bored today after coming home from my first college interview.... so i took some pics and dipped my toes into the photoshop waters.
the first one is almost exactly like my user pic (but what the hell) and the second one is directly copied from jen (but imitation is the sincerest form of flatterty!).
( bored, bored, i'm getting bored! )
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[25 Jul 2005|08:37pm] |
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:Dirt Off Your Shoulders::Jay-Z: |
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i decided to post these pictures mainly for myself. i guess i just needed to look at all of them again. i had a really lonely day. none of the pics need explanations, except the ones that aren't from westtown were from a little get together i had a few days ago for my 18th birthday. well i hope you enjoy taking a stroll down memory lane as much as i do...
( i hope you've had the time of your life )
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[17 Jul 2005|10:02am] |
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my doggies |
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101 Ways to Piss off Voldemort
here they are:
1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
2. Laugh at him.
3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'
4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.
5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.
6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
8. Dance the Funky Chicken.
9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
13. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'
14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
17. Be cheerful.
18. When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.
20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'
23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there....
26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.
28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'
29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, o dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.
33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.
36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'
37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.
38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'
39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
40. Buy him a stress ball.
41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
42. Call him Tommy-boy.
43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
45. Say he 'looked better under the turban'
46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
50. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'
51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry'.
52. Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
53. Throw him a 'care-bears' themed birthday party.
54. Tell him what Snape's really up to.
55. Politely exclaim now and again that you 'don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles'
56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment'
57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.
58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.
59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.
60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'
61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.
62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London....
63. Throw tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.
64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.
65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.
66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.
68. Tell him Lucius did it.
69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause'
73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling'
74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.
75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'
76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'
77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
78. Lecture him at great length on why he shouldn't use the unforgivables.
79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy'
80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.
81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.
82. Cuddle him at random moments.
83. Sign him up for Little-League.
84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.
86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie'
87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.
88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.
89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.
90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.
91. Write sonnets for him.
92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
93. Offer him icecream cake.
94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie'
95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak'.
96. Mock his baldness.
97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
98. Get him drunk.
99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah'
100. Let him catch you trying on Death-Eater robes.
101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive.
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[15 Jul 2005|06:28pm] |
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:you and me::lifehouse: |
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i am getting excited about the emails and the bumperstickers of the wrong person... fuck a duck.
in other news, gary mencin was giving me really weird looks the other night at the megaws dinner party. i swear to god he was staring at me with the big grin. and to make the dinner party even more uncomfortable, i saw eric on the way to the megaw's house are the guilt from this past spring just came sweeping over me again. so i asked him to have brunch with me and catch up one day after work. through an email. is that weird? i think i just asked my ex-advisor out on a date. you know i'm just kidding.
my drug of choice for this week: sex and the city on DVD; mr. big is the sexiest guy in the world.
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[03 Jul 2005|08:33am] |
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:Pon de Replay::Rihanna: |
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i just wish my friends would hurry up and come back home safe and sound (cough cough people in germany and japan and china!!!) i am oh so lonely. but here's a question for you all: what should i do for my 18th birthday on July 22nd?
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[21 Jun 2005|02:28pm] |
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:Summertime::Will Smith: |
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waking up on the couch with a full tummy... what could possibly better than that?
i woke up at 6:30 this morning when hannah called me and asked if I could give her a ride to the mini farm. so i sleepily drove into West Chester and then continued on (still sleepily) to Westtown. and what finally pulled me out of my half-awake state was pulling in right in front of a green jeep with a NOLS bumper sticker. thats right. hannah and I looked at each other, gasped, and said in perfect unison, "KRAUS!!!!" and sure enough there he was with his big ol' smile making a trap for a groundhog with an apple and peanut butter. god, i didn't realize how much I missed that kid. my entire lunch table for that matter. so anyway, work was about ten times better with kraus there. not to mention emily and dan, who were also enjoyable.
afterwards, hannah went on senior officer quest (oh gotta love jacob's melodramatic antics). so we talked to carl beehler (who i realized I had never really seen up close before, haha), mary lou, jane charley, jen dorfman, and ted lutkus. then we went out to country bagel for breakfast.
then of course I came home and my grades were in my mailbox waiting for me. i had a pretty good year, if I say so myself. doug wrote really nice things about me as did the garebear. the other thing that was waiting for me in a different kind of mailbox was an email from mark stucker saying that I was a tour guide head. all i have to say is fucking finally! god how hard is it to decide on heads, mark???
anyway, then after i had read over my grades, i had a bowl of ice cream and then proceeded to pass out on the couch. life is good.
People I must call/visit
Nadja
Erika
Chimdi
Dorothy
Molly
the other people I love are off in foreign countries. maybe i'll send them all an email.
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[20 Jun 2005|09:38pm] |
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sappy |
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In Good Company Soundtrack |
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i just bought a bunch of REALLY SAPPY music from iTunes... feeling a lot of things right now... i guess only the music shall tell. ( here )
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[17 Jun 2005|07:47am] |
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:Waiting to Believe::Katie Kloss: yes, dave's sister |
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so i guess it really is summer. i really can't believe this is the summer before my senior year in high school. it just blows my mind.
i saw stu brooks yesterday at westtown. it reminded me of what (or who) i really miss right now.
this summer has gotten off the an interesting start. yesterday, ronnie montgomery walked into the mini farm and asked me why i wasn't down at the admissions office giving a tour to a group of inner city kids and their teachers. quite frankly, i really didn't want to give a tour at that moment because a) it was really hot b) i was in mini farm work clothes and not feeling the most confident about my appearance and c) i didn't get much sleep the night before. but i reluctantly agreed because basically admissions really doesn't take no for an answer. but you know what? it turned out to be the best tour i have ever given. these kids (rising eighth graders) were some of the sweetest kids ever. they were from a private middle school in DC and they were going on this whirlwind private high school/college tour with a few of their teachers. they asked all types of really good questions. it really was a pleasure to answer all of them. it honestly made my day. and of course it didn't hurt that there was a really cute rising senior who was on the trip volunteering. i didn't catch his name but he looked a lot like wes moss, only cuter, and he was wearing a purple hilfiger polo. *sighs* i really do miss my boy and his purple polos. but anyway, we talked, and flirted, and it was just really nice to meet a new guy even though i'm never going to see him again.
on a much sadder note, i just found out that two adults in my life are pretty sick. and i abandoned one of them a few weeks ago. i feel awful even tho it happened before he even knew that he was sick. i really want to see him and have a conversation with him. things are so fucked up sometimes.
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[01 Jun 2005|07:23pm] |
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:If You Could Only See::Tonic: |
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I had a trauma-rama moment today at dinner.
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[30 May 2005|08:30pm] |
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:Uninvited::Alanis Morissette: |
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This is my new favorite song ever:
"Collide"
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
When I went home this weekend, i got a glimpse of what i know summer is going to be like and man was it lonely. I'm going to miss everyone so much. i know that my post school depression (due to sudden lack of friends in my life) is gonna hit me hard this year.
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[27 May 2005|07:15pm] |
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procrastinating |
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Hannah singing |
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so wednesday he literally read my mind (no joke) and today he was too cute for words. we were making fun of harry and he meant to say the word cliche, but he accidentally said clisha. and then he was like oh my god i can't believe i just said that, i'm so embarressed. then he said he was going to jump off a cliff. i laughed and told him it was alright and that i would be very sad if he did. ok so it doesn't sound that cute when i write it now, but trust me it was. he also said he wanted to sign my yearbook. it will be interesting to see what he writes. i remember when i got ben to sign my yearbook freshman year and i had all these high hopes and then he wrote this piece of crap message so i yelled at him. but maybe he will be better with sentimentality than ben. i hope so.
i took down all the stuff off my walls. and i realized just how tall erika was when i had to stand on a chair and stack two science textbooks, a dictionary, and a thesaurus on top of the chair to barely reach what erika had put up for me. and now my room looks really sad. but i figure when its time to move out after graduation, i am going too sad to move so i might as well get the easy stuff over with now. well i have 7 minutes until i should start my homework. but i probably won't, i'll probably call my parents first and then get sidetracked eight million times before i sit down and read my last book for my holocaust paper. anyway, griselle, hannah, and i are having a sleepover tonite and i think it will be really fun if i manage to stay awake.
on a completely different note, i had a moment with a boy from the past last night. i had the sudden urge to tell him that i've really missed him, but i wasn't sure what he would've made of it. it was an odd feeling to be back into his arms and feel his cheek against mine. i really can't tell what kind of sign from above it was supposed to be. life is too confusing for me sometimes. okay homework time. <3
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infectiouslaugh's journal